Bato’s Masterclass: How to Dodge Accountability and Still Demand Courtesy

By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo

IN A plot twist that no one saw coming—except perhaps anyone who’s been awake for the past six years—Senator Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa has taken it upon himself to protect the noble institution of parliamentary courtesy. Yes, this is the same Bato who, while chief of the Philippine National Police, oversaw a drug war so aggressive it made a WWE wrestling match look like a game of hopscotch (piko). But now, he’s all about decorum, respect, and apparently, a deep-seated fear of multi-committee investigations.

The controversy kicked off when the House of Representatives decided that maybe, just maybe, it was time to investigate why more than 6,000 Filipinos ended up dead during Bato’s tenure as PNP chief. But don’t worry, according to Bato, this investigation has nothing to do with uncovering truths or holding people accountable—no, it’s about politics. And in Bato’s world, there’s nothing more “unparliamentary” than trying to figure out why so many people ended up dead during an operation he spearheaded.

Quezon Rep. David Suarez, on the other hand, took a slightly different view. He suggested that the investigation was, in fact, about uncovering the truth, not playing politics. Suarez then chided Dela Rosa for trying to derail the probe by invoking parliamentary courtesy—a move that can only be described as akin to bringing a toy gun to a knife fight.

But let’s give credit where credit is due: Bato’s commitment to courtesy is truly admirable. After all, nothing screams “respect for parliamentary tradition” like telling a multi-committee probe that they’re wasting their time. Perhaps Dela Rosa could next propose a new rule where any investigation that makes him uncomfortable be immediately dismissed in the name of parliamentary civility.

Dela Rosa might be the main course, but there’s plenty of satire to go around. Suarez, in a stunning display of integrity, reminded us that the House leadership has always acted with the utmost respect. One can only assume he’s referring to the same House that formed a “supercommittee” to investigate the connection between Pogos, drug war killings, and human rights violations. It’s a committee so super, it’s like the Avengers of legislative bodies—if the Avengers had a tendency to forget who the real villains are.

And let’s not forget the practical logistics of this investigation. The first hearing is being held in Pampanga, where the committee can be close to the action. After all, why bring the witnesses to Congress when you can just bring Congress to the witnesses? It’s a move that would make any event planner proud.

As for Deputy Minority Leader France Castro, she took the opportunity to remind everyone about the dangers of abusing legislative power. Because nothing says “we’re serious about human rights” like building a bigger detention facility in Congress. If that doesn’t make witnesses feel at ease, I don’t know what will. But don’t worry, Castro assured us, this facility will only be used to “aid in legislation and uncover the truth.” And if you believe that, I have some prime real estate in the West Philippine Sea to sell you.

So what’s next for Bato and Suarez? Perhaps Bato could take a page from Suarez’s book and start every sentence with, “This is not about politics, but…” Meanwhile, Suarez might consider expanding the supercommittee to include a few more committees—because if four committees are good, ten must be better, right?

In the end, we can only hope that these fearless leaders will continue to protect the sanctity of parliamentary courtesy, all while conveniently ignoring the minor inconvenience of, you know, accountability. And in the spirit of Bato’s newfound love for civility, perhaps we should all just politely look the other way. After all, isn’t that what parliamentary courtesy is all about?