By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — September 8, 2024

THE Philippine political circus has reached a new level of absurdity, with a dismissed mayor becoming the center of a high-stakes custody battle.  Alice Guo, known for her POGO permits and epic selfies with law enforcement, has sparked a conflict between the Senate and the DILG, each vying for control over this former mayor.  It’s a fight for power, influence, and perhaps even a slice of the lucrative POGO pie.  Forget the Oscars, this is a real-life drama that’s about to get messy.

Let’s start with Senator Risa Hontiveros, who’s determined to drag Guo to the Senate in the name of justice. According to Hontiveros, Guo simply must be detained in the Senate to attend a hearing of the Committee on Women, Children, Family Relations, and Gender Equality. You see, this committee isn’t just any old government snooze fest—it’s the place where Guo will be grilled like a prime steak. Clearly, the senator isn’t interested in half-baked interrogations. She wants Guo, front and center, for what can only be described as a political fan meet. And who could blame her? Guo’s POGO antics have made her something of a celebrity, and what better way to bolster political credibility than by having your own famous detainee?

Of course, Senate custody is clearly the most logical step here—after all, the Senate did issue the first arrest warrant. Why let the Tarlac courts get in the way when there’s political mileage to be gained, right? Hontiveros points out that the Senate triggered the manhunt in Jakarta (and boy, does she love reminding everyone of that). But wait, the plot thickens! According to Hontiveros, the Supreme Court in Binay v. Sandiganbayan made it crystal clear: criminal cases involving municipal mayors belong in the Sandiganbayan, not some two-bit court in Tarlac. Translation? “Hands off, Capas Regional Trial Court, we’re the real stars of this show.”

But wait—don’t count out Secretary Benhur Abalos and the DILG just yet! Abalos, ever the pragmatist, believes the Philippine National Police (PNP) should have custody of Guo. After all, who better to house a disgraced public official than a heavily fortified police station? That’s right, Guo’s new home could very well be Camp Crame, where she’ll get VIP treatment. I’m sure there’s a lovely suite reserved just for her, complete with a minibar (for those moments when justice gets a bit too stressful).

Abalos and the DILG are playing by the book here, folks. They’re citing Republic Act 3019, the Anti-Graft and Corrupt Practices Act, which Guo allegedly violated by handing out POGO permits like they were Halloween candy. And let’s not forget the Tarlac court’s arrest warrant—proof that Abalos isn’t just showing off his knowledge of the law. Clearly, Guo needs to face the music in Tarlac, not at some Senate soiree. In fact, Abalos could easily argue that Tarlac’s jurisdiction is airtight, even if Hontiveros thinks otherwise. After all, who needs the Sandiganbayan when you’ve got the PNP? Nothing says “rule of law” like shuffling a suspect between two institutions vying for celebrity custody.

The Hontiveros Case:  Why She’s Totally Right (And We’re Not Just Saying That Because She’s Our Favorite)

First, we have Hontiveros’ indisputable point: the Senate issued the first arrest warrant. And if there’s one thing we know about political priorities, it’s that first dibs is everything. Never mind the Tarlac court’s warrant—this is a matter of seniority, baroks. The Senate doesn’t just play second fiddle to some provincial judge. As Hontiveros would point out, the Senate always gets what it wants, and this time, it’s Alice Guo.

Then there’s the Binay v. Sandiganbayan precedent, which Hontiveros holds up like a golden shield. The Supreme Court said that cases involving mayors fall under the Sandiganbayan, and who are we to question the wisdom of the highest court in the land? (Unless, of course, you’re the DILG—but more on that later.)

The Abalos and DILG’s Case:  So Strong, It’ll Make You Believe in Miracles (But Don’t, It’s Still Politics)

On the flip side, Secretary Abalos and his team have their own ace in the hole: Republic Act 3019. According to the DILG, Guo’s alleged graft is a matter for the Tarlac court to handle, because obviously, when in doubt, send them back to the province where it all went down. Tarlac issued the arrest warrant, and as far as Abalos is concerned, the rule of law is all about following the latest arrest warrant. Senate shmenate.

Besides, Abalos could argue that Camp Crame is a far more appropriate venue for Guo than the Senate. Who needs the trappings of political theater when you can have armed guards and daily roll calls? Nothing screams “serious legal proceeding” like getting locked up in the same facility that houses half the country’s political elite. (Guo, welcome to the club!)

And the Winner Is… (Drumroll, Please)

So, who’s got the upper hand in this political custody battle? Well, as much as I hate to break it to you, neither side really comes out on top. Hontiveros may have the Supreme Court precedent and political stagecraft on her side, but Abalos has the raw power of law enforcement and the Anti-Graft law in his corner. In other words, this is less of a legal showdown and more of a never-ending soap opera, with the rule of law playing the role of the hapless victim.

The Ultimate Guide to Philippine Politics:  Because We All Need a Laugh (And Maybe Some Answers)

To Hontiveros: I suggest you roll out the red carpet for Guo’s eventual Senate appearance—complete with a press conference, of course. After all, why settle for simple due process when you can host a media spectacle? Maybe even throw in a musical number before the hearing starts—Guo does have a flair for drama, after all.

To Abalos: Might I recommend a live-streamed custody handoff ceremony at Camp Crame? Think of the ratings! Also, be sure to install a selfie booth in Guo’s holding cell. It’ll be the perfect place for her next viral post with the authorities.

In conclusion, we can all rest easy knowing that regardless of where Guo ends up—Senate or Camp Crame—the one true winner here is the entertainment value. But what happens when the curtain falls on this political circus? Will we be left with a sense of justice served, or will the whole affair simply be a footnote in the ever-evolving saga of Philippine politics?