The Great Philippine Scam Tour: From Beaches to Bribes in 99 Easy Steps

By Louis ‘Barok’ C Biraogo — September 23, 2024

AH, Lucky South 99—the only ‘tourism promotion’ where you get a beach, a hotel, and a scam, all in one package! This charming Chinese guild really took ‘all-inclusive’ to a new level, trafficking people right alongside their promises of pristine shores. Forget your typical travel agency; these folks redefined ‘hospitality’ by turning hotels into crime hotspots. Now, let’s see just how far this rabbit hole goes, shall we?

A Guild for Every Occasion, Or Every Crime?

It’s not every day you hear about a guild formed just to promote Filipino tourism among the Chinese market. Sounds lovely, right? Except, of course, for that pesky little fact that it doubled as a front for a bustling criminal enterprise. Zhao Long and his merry band of scamming enthusiasts were so committed to promoting “cultural exchange” that they decided to throw in a little human trafficking and offshore gambling. A well-rounded experience for all involved!

But you have to give it to these crafty syndicates—they know how to make things official. Articles of incorporation? Check. A Filipino partner to make it all look above board? Double-check. A generous donation of computers to the local government to secure goodwill? Triple-check. Nothing says “We’re law-abiding citizens” like some charitable gestures while, behind the scenes, you’re running a KTV where the only thing more trafficked than the Chinese women are the lies told to the authorities.

Mayor’s Blindness: A Necessary Skill?

Mayor Junard “Ahong” Chan of Lapu-Lapu City comes out looking like the unluckiest man in this saga—or the most deliberately ignorant. After all, who could have suspected that the Royal 1 Suwu KTV was running a takeout service… for women? The mayor had personally inspected the premises and found nothing out of the ordinary. A quick glance at the business permit—renewed for 2024, mind you—ensured everything was squeaky clean. Except for the, you know, international sex-trafficking ring and scam hub that had moved in right under his nose.

Chan’s steadfast defense that there were no “visible anomalies” in his inspections is the kind of casual oversight that would make a blindfolded security guard proud. It’s almost as if Zhao Long and his cronies were invisible to him. Then again, with enough computer donations and some “cultural promotions,” who has time to notice illegal activity?

Zhao Long: The Robin Hood of Scams

Zhao Long deserves an award for sheer audacity. Not only did he run Lucky South 99, but he headed the Chinese guild, too! While scamming Filipinos and trafficking foreign workers, he still had time to promote the Philippines’ glorious beaches to unsuspecting Chinese tourists. What a multitasker! This guild, after all, was formed just a month after Lucky South 99. Coincidence? Surely.

Now, one must ask: What exactly was Zhao promoting? The sandy shores of Cebu, or the convenience of laundering money through offshore gaming operations? But let’s not be too harsh. It’s hard work running a syndicate and maintaining the image of a community leader. Zhao Long isn’t just some shady criminal—he’s a businessman who believes in giving back to society. Mostly by recycling dirty money into “charitable donations,” but hey, that’s still something!

Tony Yang: Family Ties, with a Twist

And then we have Tony Yang, brother of Michael Yang, former economic adviser to President Rodrigo Duterte. Nothing like keeping crime in the family, right? While Michael Yang was busy advising the highest office in the land under President Duterte, Tony was busy running POGO hubs, evading authorities, and making his big brother proud. The arrest of Tony as an “undesirable alien” is just a small hiccup in an otherwise flourishing family business. And by “business,” we of course mean a network of POGO operations cleverly disguised as legitimate enterprises.

But don’t worry, as PAOCC spokesperson Winston Casio assures us: The authorities are “catching the bigger fish.” They might have snagged Tony Yang, but rest assured, the smaller, more slippery fry will just swim off into the provinces. Casio even went so far as to suggest that arresting Tony might have tipped off the other criminals. Brilliant strategy—let’s arrest the big boss, send a signal to his underlings, and then act surprised when they all disappear!

The Syndicate’s Playbook: A Lesson in Innovation

The tactics of Yang and Zhao’s syndicate are nothing if not creative. Who needs subtlety when you can just bribe, extort, and manipulate with impunity? One can almost admire their ability to turn the entire country into a playground of criminal innovation. The strategy of splintering into smaller units to evade law enforcement is brilliant in its simplicity. It’s like a hydra of scams: cut off one head, and five more open up in different provinces.

The Legislation Debate: Closing the Barn Door, Post-Escape

With all this criminal activity hiding behind the thin veneer of tourism, one might think the Philippine Congress would leap into action with ironclad laws to crack down on these syndicates. Instead, what we’re likely to see is legislation that looks tough on paper, but leaves just enough loopholes for Zhao Long’s guild to keep “promoting tourism.” Perhaps a new bill mandating stricter permits for KTV lounges or a revised anti-trafficking law that requires local mayors to remove their rose-tinted glasses before conducting inspections.

Maybe lawmakers could introduce a “Certificate of Legitimate Activities” to ensure that guilds promoting tourism aren’t secretly running criminal empires. But let’s not kid ourselves: these syndicates are already one step ahead, armed with well-placed bribes, political connections, and business permits that seemingly renew themselves.

Solutions for Everyone: A Win-Win (Except for the Filipinos)

Lawmakers: It’s time to embrace transparency. Instead of hiding these syndicates, why not sponsor them? Imagine “Zhao Long’s Lucky South 99 Scamming Guild Presents: The 2024 Filipino Tourism Awards.” If you can’t beat them, you might as well cash in!
Law Enforcers: For efficiency, why not introduce a tiered “corruption subscription” service? Syndicates could pay monthly for a tiered bribery plan that determines how much scrutiny they’ll face. Want complete impunity? Go for the Platinum Plan!
Syndicates: Why go through the hassle of legal fronts? Just rebrand yourselves as “experiential entrepreneurs.” You’re not running a scam hub, you’re providing immersive experiences in human trafficking and offshore gaming!
Filipinos: Relax! As long as your taxes go towards anti-organized crime efforts, all is well. Well, except for the fact that the taxes come from syndicate-run businesses and are promptly used to bribe officials.

In the never-ending circus of Philippine politics and crime, Lucky South 99 is just another act in the clown show. The criminals keep pulling the strings, the authorities keep fumbling their lines, and we, the ever-faithful audience, keep clapping along. Bravo, encore! Let’s see how long this farce runs before we all get tired of the same old tricks.