By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — September 28, 2024
IN A spectacle that even David Copperfield would applaud, Vice President Sara Duterte and the Department of Education (DepEd) have somehow managed to make a staggering P112.5 million vanish into thin air—supposedly for “youth leadership summits.” While we’re all obsessively saving receipts for a pack of gum, DepEd seems to believe in a different kind of reality, where financial transparency is a mere rumor and photos from these summits are more like folklore—rare and elusive, like sightings of Bigfoot.
Rep. Johnny Pimentel, who’s apparently determined to be the party pooper of DepEd’s financial wizardry, has been asking the truly outrageous question: Did these youth summits even happen? And, if they did, what in the world were they serving? Caviar-coated gold bars? A lifetime supply of wagyu beef? According to Pimentel’s calculations, even if the summits were held in five-star hotels with guests bathing in Dom Pérignon, you wouldn’t quite hit the P112.5 million mark. But, hey, maybe DepEd threw in a fleet of private jets for good measure—purely for leadership-building purposes, of course.
COA’s Disappearing Act: Receipts? Never Heard of Them
The Commission on Audit (COA) did what it does best—make things awkward by pointing out the glaring absence of receipts, photos, or any kind of tangible evidence that these summits ever took place. Instead, we’re left with a few vague “certifications” from military officers, because nothing says youth empowerment like a solemn affidavit from the armed forces. Maybe next, the DepEd will start certifying grade school diplomas based on gut feelings.
Historically speaking, it’s a brave strategy. Who needs evidence when you can simply feel that a good job was done? Sara Duterte’s DepEd seems to be operating under a new, bold philosophy: “Trust, but never verify.”
The House of Representatives: Budget Hearings are for Peasants
Sara Duterte, in a move as predictable as a political soap opera, declined to attend the House hearings on the matter, calling them “politically motivated.” Clearly, she has more important things to do—like crafting the next disappearing act for the budget of 2024. Facing pesky legislators asking for accountability? That’s amateur hour.
After all, why should one of the highest-ranking officials of the country lower herself to explaining where millions of taxpayer pesos have gone? The audacity of these lawmakers to think that public servants should answer for public money! The nerve!
The Johnny Pimentel Gambit: Let’s Pretend We Care About Accountability
Rep. Johnny Pimentel’s crusade for answers has led him to question the DepEd’s records (or lack thereof). However, history has shown us that Philippine lawmakers are quite adept at staging dramatic inquiries with all the ferocity of a telenovela protagonist. But, like all good telenovelas, these things have a habit of fizzling out, leaving viewers—err, citizens—wondering whether any real resolution will ever be achieved.
Pimentel, bless his heart, is basing his outrage on the concept that government officials should be accountable for public funds. Cute. But as any seasoned political player knows, expecting receipts from DepEd is like expecting traffic in Metro Manila to clear up—it’s an adorable fantasy, but deep down, everyone knows it’s not going to happen.
The AFP’s Youth Leadership Summit: Who Knew Fighting Communists Could Be This Expensive?
DepEd’s defense, as articulated by former spokesperson Michael Poa, is that the youth summits were part of the Armed Forces of the Philippines’ (AFP) campaign against the communist insurgency. Yes, nothing says “leadership skills” quite like conscripting the youth into a series of mysterious and undocumented seminars supposedly aimed at building the nation’s future leaders. Apparently, combating communism requires a budget that could rival a small country’s GDP. Who knew?
However, the AFP’s involvement raises an important philosophical question: when did youth leadership become indistinguishable from military operations? Perhaps the next generation of leaders will be taught how to conduct a proper seminar using only a machete and a camouflaged PowerPoint.
The Verdict: P112.5 Million Well Spent—On What, We’ll Never Know
After reviewing all the arguments, the DepEd’s handling of this money can only be described as an unparalleled success in the fine art of bureaucratic illusion. Like a magician who insists he’s pulled a rabbit out of a hat but refuses to show you the rabbit, Duterte’s team has truly elevated the concept of public service.
Satirical Recommendations:
For Sara Duterte:
We recommend she continues avoiding these trivial budget hearings. Why bother when you can instead focus on loftier goals, like figuring out how to disappear an entire national budget?
For the DepEd:
Might we suggest offering courses on “Creative Accounting 101”? Judging by the results, the department is clearly leading the nation in this field.
For the Filipino Youth:
The next time you attend a leadership summit—if it indeed takes place—ask for a souvenir, perhaps a receipt. You know, for accountability’s sake.
For the House of Representatives:
Just let this one go, guys. You’re fighting a battle that was lost the moment someone decided “confidential funds” could mean anything from a legitimate expenditure to an elaborate figment of someone’s imagination.
As for the P112.5 million? It’s likely sitting in a black hole somewhere, where money—and common sense—go to disappear. Maybe it’s even taken up permanent residence there, alongside the elusive answers we’ve all been chasing. At this point, it seems we’re all just waiting for the next magic trick.
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KWEBA ni BAROK 
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