A Slice of Political Life: Sara Duterte’s Daydreams of Decapitation

By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — October 21, 2024

n a plot twist straight out of a political thriller (or a slasher film), Vice President Sara Duterte confessed she’s been imagining the clean removal of President Bongbong Marcos Jr.’s head. Well, that’s one way to tackle political disagreements—why debate when you can decapitate? Marie Antoinette may have had her cake, but Sara’s clearly in the mood for something sharper.

Marcos-Duterte: Till Dysfunction Do Us Part

This toxic tango between the two powerhouses started earlier than anyone thought. According to Duterte, the daydreaming incident occurred at a graduation ceremony, where Marcos declined a graduate’s humble request for his wristwatch. Marcos, in the way only someone with inherited privilege can, responded: “Why would I give you my watch?”—a statement that reportedly caused Duterte to spiral into fantasies of medieval justice.

From the outside, the public relationship between Marcos and Duterte had always seemed as solid as any transactional political alliance. But as Duterte’s “toxic” remarks reveal, the bond has devolved into something less partnership and more family reunion food fight—except here, the food of choice is, apparently, heads.

COA, Congress, and Where’s the Money?

This spat isn’t just about hurt feelings over rejected timepieces. Tensions have been bubbling for months over budget scrutiny. The Commission on Audit (COA) raised eyebrows about how Duterte’s office utilized public funds, suggesting her spending was as opaque as a Manila smog day. Congress, ever vigilant in its pursuit of… ahem… fiscal transparency, held hearings to scrutinize the OVP and DepEd budgets, perhaps hoping to unearth some juicy scandals or maybe just score some political points.

Duterte likely sees these budget inquiries as power plays from Marcos loyalists, who—shockingly—seem to think that government funds aren’t meant for extravagant offices or emergency confidential expenses. The COA, ever obsessed with “transparency,” doesn’t understand that some things, like Sara’s potential Shoppe cart of guillotines, are better left unexplained.

A Nation’s Got 99 Problems, and One of Them is Sanity

The real question on everyone’s mind is: Was Duterte’s “beheading” comment a joke, a sign of strategic frustration, or simply a psychological red flag? Political humor is tricky business, but threatening dismemberment, even in jest, makes for interesting dinner conversation. In the Philippines, where hyperbole and sarcasm are national pastimes, such comments land somewhere between “spicy” and “send the guy with the straitjacket.”

On the legal side, Duterte’s fantasy dance with decapitation may run afoul of the country’s ethical standards. Public officials are expected to avoid uttering, let alone imagining, the dismemberment of their colleagues (so inconvenient!). Supreme Court precedents on incitement and public misconduct might not directly address “daydreamed decapitations,” but one imagines this wasn’t quite the decorum envisioned by the framers of the Philippine Constitution.

Bongbong’s Response: Heads or Tails?

Marcos now faces the unenviable task of responding. He could take the high road, insisting that Duterte’s statements reflect nothing more than a tired public servant’s fleeting fantasies. After all, who among us hasn’t had an afternoon reverie about axing a political frenemy? (Don’t answer that.)

Alternatively, Marcos could opt for passive-aggressive diplomacy: “I’m disappointed, but I understand. Perhaps the stress of managing public funds caused these unfortunate outbursts. No hard feelings—just maybe stay away from scissors for a while.” He could even commission a series of new watches for every graduate in the country, cementing his reputation as a modern-day Marie Kondo: “If this sparks joy for you, kid, I’ll get it in gold.”

Then again, there’s always the classic Filipino strategy: issuing a public apology while denying wrongdoing, topped off with a new public holiday to celebrate unity. Perhaps something like, “National Day for the Prevention of Imaginative Overreactions.”

Political Fallout: Heads Will (Metaphorically) Roll

Duterte’s vivid confession doesn’t just signal a falling out between two dynasties—it risks real political consequences. For Marcos, this outburst might be the push he needs to shuffle Duterte out of his orbit. On the other hand, Duterte’s reputation for being brash and unfiltered is also what makes her appealing to her supporters. They may see this as a sign of authenticity, a break from the plastic smiles and polished PR that have defined Philippine politics for decades.

But if this rift deepens, Duterte could emerge as a powerful rival to Marcos’ proxy in future elections, armed with the narrative that she alone stood up to him. And let’s face it—nothing says “I’m ready to lead” quite like openly fantasizing about decapitating your boss.

A Word of Advice to the Nation’s Leaders

To Marcos Jr.: Consider gifting Duterte a Rolex and some spa coupons. It’s cheaper than political sabotage and less likely to end in metaphorical (or literal) beheadings.

To Sara Duterte: Maybe channel those frustrations into something healthier. I hear journaling helps—start with “Dear Diary, today I almost cut the president’s head off, but instead I smiled politely.” And perhaps take a page from the French Revolution and realize that when you start threatening heads, it’s only a matter of time before the public asks: “Whose head is next?”

To the Filipino baroks: Brace yourselves for what promises to be a fascinating ride. And remember, if the nation’s leaders start openly fantasizing about decapitation, perhaps the real question isn’t about whose head should roll—but whether anyone left in government is keeping theirs.