Sara vs. Remulla: A Legal Smackdown Over Dead Dictators and Diplomatic Digs

By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — October 22, 2024

As if Filipino politics wasn’t already a wild ride, Vice President Sara Duterte has entered the scene with an offer we didn’t know we needed: a maritime burial for Ferdinand Marcos Sr. Because what better way to silence critics than to threaten them with grandpa’s remains drifting off into the West Philippine Sea? Enter Justice Secretary Boying Remulla, a man whose job title might as well be ‘Buzzkill-in-Chief,’ because he’s clearly not on board with turning the ocean into a dictator’s final resting place.

Round One: Ding Ding!

Sara Duterte, famous for her swift ability to transform from the nation’s Education Secretary into a verbal MMA fighter, decided that Remulla’s legal credentials weren’t quite up to her standards. After Remulla dared to say that Duterte’s remarks were “disturbing,” Duterte immediately delivered a roundhouse kick to his credibility, insisting he doesn’t even know the law. “Let’s pray for the Philippines,” she said, in a sentiment we can all get behind, but probably for entirely different reasons. After all, who needs a law degree when you have sass?

Remulla, undeterred, decided to take the high road—high in the sense that it’s far above the graveyards and bodies Duterte is so eager to excavate. He called her statement not only disturbing but shockingly so, as if Duterte were a rogue contestant on “America’s Got Talent” but her talent was making the Justice Secretary reconsider his life choices.

The Great Legal Debate: Who Knows Less?

So, does Remulla actually know the law? Let’s examine Duterte’s case—because nothing says “I’m a well-reasoned political leader” like accusing the country’s top legal officer of being clueless. According to Duterte, merely talking about desecrating a body is not the same as actually doing it. She’s got a point there, legally speaking. The same way that yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater might not be an actual fire hazard—unless you’re Sara Duterte, then you might just torch the whole place to make a point.

But Remulla, whose “slow pick-up” is apparently holding him back from the fast-paced world of verbal desecration, insists that Duterte is violating some moral principle by suggesting we turn Marcos into aquatic litter. “Moral principle,” of course, is the kind of phrase that works in theoretical discussions but crumbles in the face of political hyperbole—especially when that hyperbole involves historical figures and international waters.

Does the Law Really Care?

As it turns out, Philippine law might actually have an issue with turning Marcos into fish food. Legal experts (who, unlike Remulla according to Duterte, know the law) point out that there are rules about desecrating the dead. Apparently, when someone says they’ll dig up a body and toss it into the ocean, the government is obliged to take a closer look at the fine print. In a country where the dead receive as much political protection as the living, the DOJ is currently “studying” whether Duterte’s threats could somehow be against the law. You know, just in case someone wakes up one morning and says, “You know what? Let’s actually do it!”

It’s important to remember that in this legally questionable debate, everyone is throwing in their two pesos. Some argue that Duterte’s words are just expressions of frustration—something we all feel, especially when the Wi-Fi goes out. Others suggest that, hyperbole or not, threatening to turn a former president into a floating relic is a pretty solid way to disturb public peace. If that’s not illegal, then maybe the law itself should be studied by—well, perhaps someone besides Remulla.

Remulla’s Counterpunch: Legal Warfare and a Dose of Dark Humor

Remulla isn’t backing down. In response to Duterte’s call to have him tutored in law, he declared that her mind might not be the stablest of platforms. How can we trust someone to oversee the future of Filipino youth, he asks, when they’re out here casually plotting the posthumous kidnapping of a dictator? Remulla is now studying the legal implications of Duterte’s threats, as if they were the Da Vinci Code of Filipino jurisprudence. Will her threats become law, or will they simply remain in the realm of political fan fiction? Only time—and several law professors—can tell.

The Remulla Shuffle: Why He’s Likely to Come Out on Top in This Political Game

At this point, one might wonder: why does Remulla seem to have the edge in this battle of wits? For starters, he’s playing the role of the reasonable adult in the room. While Duterte is busy with her dramatic soliloquies, Remulla has kept his statements sufficiently legalistic. He is essentially the straight man in this comedic duo, ensuring that, while Duterte threatens to dig up bodies, he is the one left holding the metaphorical shovel of law and order.

Moreover, there’s a political advantage here—he’s not the one actively creating scandalous soundbites. By positioning himself as the cool-headed enforcer of rules, he may just outlast Duterte in the public relations war. After all, this is the Philippines: yesterday’s political explosion is tomorrow’s meme.

Political Implications: Welcome to the Future, Philippines!

If this feud has taught us anything, it’s that the political landscape in the Philippines is one thrilling soap opera. On one hand, we have a Vice President who is frustrated enough to start a maritime disposal service for dead political figures. On the other, a Justice Secretary whose commitment to legal objectivity is so intense, he’s willing to study the absurdities of political threats as if they were actual crimes.

But what does this mean for the future? Well, it certainly makes 2024 an exciting year for late-night talk shows. For the rest of us, we can only sit back and enjoy the ride—preferably far from any graveyards or West Philippine waters.

Recommendations for Our Heroes

Sara Duterte: Maybe stick to threats that don’t involve desecrating bodies. Try something more traditional, like threatening to pass unpopular education reforms or to personally redesign every jeepney in the country.
Boying Remulla: Consider lightening up. Life’s too short to study the criminal consequences of a hypothetical water burial for a dictator. Maybe start a blog instead—“Grave Legal Matters” has a nice ring to it.
The Filipino People: Pop some popcorn. It’s going to be a long, weird, and highly entertaining show. While your leaders battle over the sanctity of former presidents’ corpses and the nuances of threatening maritime disposal, you can rest assured knowing that if politics doesn’t save the country, at least it will keep you entertained. For added fun, maybe consider placing bets on who will threaten to throw what into which body of water next—perhaps the Pasig River is up for grabs.

The Final Word: The Philippines, Where Reality is Stranger Than Fiction

And so, as the curtain closes on this chapter of Philippine politics—where the dead refuse to rest and the living can’t stop digging—we’re left floating in a sea of endless debates and legal drama. Marcos Sr. might stay buried for now, but the nation’s political sanity? That’s long been exhumed, drifting somewhere between a courtroom and a circus tent. Stay tuned for the next episode, because in this soap opera, the plot holes are as deep as the graves we keep reopening.