Rodante Marcoleta’s Remarkable Journey from ‘What Sea?’ to ‘Our Sea!’: A Parody of Patriotism

By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — February 15, 2025

REP. Rodante Marcoleta has bravely taken on one of the greatest foes of our time: objective reality. In a stunning display of cartographic creativity, he initially declared that the West Philippine Sea is nothing more than a national fantasy—like a mythical landmass dreamed up by overzealous patriots. But in a thrilling plot twist, Marcoleta now concedes that the sea does exist, just not on “international maps,” proving once and for all that the real problem isn’t the West Philippine Sea—it’s world atlases that refuse to update themselves on his command.

This latest revelation from Marcoleta is a breakthrough in cartography. Who knew that a nation’s sovereignty depends not on international law, not on a Supreme Court ruling, but on whether a random atlas labels a body of water? This is fantastic news for countries with territorial disputes—just make sure your contested territory doesn’t appear on a world map, and you’re golden.

How to Spin in Circles and Call It Progress

Marcoleta’s rhetorical gymnastics should be studied in political science courses. First, he claims that the West Philippine Sea is merely a “creation.” Then, after widespread backlash, he clarifies that it does exist but just isn’t internationally recognized. In doing so, he has pioneered a new diplomatic strategy: If something isn’t universally acknowledged, it doesn’t really matter. By this logic, we should also abandon our currency because the euro and the US dollar don’t feature Philippine pesos on their designs.

Yet, Marcoleta’s brilliance doesn’t stop there. After a well-deserved rebuke from Commodore Jay Tarriela of the Philippine Coast Guard (PCG), he courageously fired back by calling Tarriela “ignorant” and daring him to resign. This is a powerful tactic in modern political discourse: When caught saying something incorrect, double down, launch personal attacks, and challenge your critics to high-stakes wagers. Expect Marcoleta’s next move to be a televised game show where political opponents are forced to bet their careers on their arguments.

Maps: The Ultimate Diplomatic Weapon

Now, let’s take a moment to appreciate Marcoleta’s groundbreaking theory that international maps determine reality. Given that the West Philippine Sea is missing from many of them, does this mean the Philippines should stop defending its claims? This logic opens up exciting new possibilities:

The Falkland Islands dispute? Solved. Just remove them from the next edition of National Geographic.
Taiwan? A non-issue if someone forgets to print it on a map.
Climate change? No need for urgent action—just stop marking glaciers and ice caps on future atlases.

A Handy Guide to Not Making Things Worse (For Marcoleta and Co.)

Publish a “Marcoleta-Approved World Map” – To prevent future confusion, Marcoleta should release a personally curated global map with only government-recognized locations. Anything not labeled simply does not exist. The Bermuda Triangle? Gone. Area 51? Never heard of it.
Expand the “International Recognition” Test – In addition to maps, Marcoleta should apply this logic to laws. If a regulation isn’t followed globally, then it shouldn’t exist. This means we can also ignore taxes, speed limits, and bans on fake news—oh wait, we might already be doing that.
Challenge China to a Map-Off – Instead of defending our territory through diplomacy, why not settle everything with an official map-drawing contest? Winner gets to name and claim the sea. Loser has to admit that their position was just a “creation.”
Rename the Philippines for Global Recognition – If maps are the ultimate authority, and the Philippines isn’t getting enough international attention, Marcoleta should propose renaming the country to something universally recognized—perhaps “Hollywood” or “Google.”
Rebrand the Senate as “Internationally Recognized” – Since Marcoleta is eyeing a Senate seat, he should insist that his campaign only matters if it’s acknowledged on foreign news channels. Otherwise, does his candidacy really exist?

Final Thought: The Real “Creation” Here

If Marcoleta truly believes the West Philippine Sea is a mere “creation,” then he should test his rhetorical skills where they matter most: not in Congress, but in the middle of the disputed waters, with nothing but a microphone and a PowerPoint on sovereignty. Let him step onto a raft, float up to a Chinese patrol ship, and begin his speech: “Ladies and gentlemen, this sea is fake.” If his argument is as strong as he claims, surely the Chinese navy will nod in agreement and sail away, deeply enlightened.