Jackets, Cash, or Convictions? The Revillame Guide to Impeachment

By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — February 23, 2025

WILLIE Revillame—the man who turned emotional manipulation into prime-time entertainment—is now considering a career pivot that even his most dramatic game show contestants couldn’t have predicted. Yes, the same guy who once asked a tearful child if they’d rather hug their dead father or take home a shiny new refrigerator is now eyeing a seat in the Senate. And not just any seat: he’s reportedly mulling over whether to preside as a senator-judge in Vice President Sara Duterte’s impeachment trial. Because nothing says ‘qualified arbiter of justice’ like a man who built his empire on asking people to choose between dignity and a cash prize.

Let us pause here to appreciate the sheer audacity of it all. This isn’t just politics; it’s performance art. And like any great performance, there are layers upon layers of absurdity to unpack.

The Man Who Would Be King… of the Senate

First, let’s address the elephant in the room—or rather, the elephant stomping around the Senate chambers wearing oversized sunglasses and cracking dad jokes. Revillame claims he hasn’t yet “studied” the articles of impeachment against VP Duterte but assures everyone that he will “follow the law.” Well, thank goodness for that! Because nothing screams impartiality quite like admitting upfront that you haven’t done your homework but promise to do so eventually. If only every courtroom drama started with the judge saying, “I’ll figure out what the law says after lunch.”

Of course, Revillame insists he’s an independent thinker, unaffiliated with any political party. Instead, he tells us, he’s “affiliated with the Filipino.” How noble! One might even say poetic—if not for the fact that this declaration comes from a man who was previously endorsed by none other than the very vice president whose fate he may help determine. It’s almost as if someone handed him a script titled How to Create Maximum Conflict of Interest in Three Easy Steps and said, “Go nuts.”

A Trial Fit for Prime Time

Imagine the scene: Senators sitting solemnly in judgment, robes flowing dramatically in the breeze (okay, maybe not), while cameras capture every moment of high-stakes deliberation. Enter Willie Revillame, the star of the show, ready to deliver verdicts with the same gravitas he used to announce winners on noontime game shows. Will he bang his gavel and shout, “You’re guilty!” before launching into a dance number? Or will he simply shrug and say, “Eh, basta fair naman ako”? Either way, ratings gold.

But seriously, folks, can we talk about how bizarre it is that a former variety show host could play a pivotal role in deciding the future of the vice presidency? Forget checks and balances—this feels more like a reality competition where the prize isn’t cash but constitutional integrity. Spoiler alert: We’re losing.

Guidance for the Star of the Show (May He Survive His m Own Choices)

So, what advice would I give to Mr. Revillame as he contemplates his potential role in history? Here are a few humble suggestions:

Brush Up on Legal Jargon: Watching reruns of Suits doesn’t count as studying the law. Maybe invest in some CliffNotes or, better yet, hire a tutor. Bonus points if the tutor wears a wig and speaks in dramatic monologues.
Declare Your Bias Early: Transparency is key! If you’re going to be accused of favoritism anyway, why not lean into it? Start each session with, “As someone endorsed by VP Duterte, I think…”
Bring Entertainment Value: If you’re going to turn the impeachment trial into a spectacle, commit fully. Bring props, musical guests, and maybe even a piñata shaped like Article II of the Constitution. Make it memorable!
Remember the Voters: While mingling with the masses sans stages is charming, remember that being a senator means representing actual issues—not just selfies. Try talking policy instead of platitudes next time.
Stay Humble: You’ve already achieved immortality as the guy who made millions sing along to “Boom Panes.” Don’t ruin it by becoming the punchline of late-night comedy routines worldwide.

The Grand Finale (Or Just the End of Your Patience)

Willie Revillame’s leap from game shows to Senate trials might just redefine the phrase ‘reality TV.’ Whether this is a triumph of charisma over competence or democracy in its purest form, only time will tell. But as he steps into the impeachment trial spotlight, one truth emerges: Philippine politics has officially jumped the shark—or at least auditioned for it. So grab your popcorn, dear readers, because if Revillame dons the judge’s robe, we’re about to witness either history being made or an episode of Wowowin on steroids. Let’s hope the credits roll with justice intact—not another blooper reel.