The Cayetano-Zubiri Smackdown: Who Needs Democracy When You Have Drama?

By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — September 25, 2924

WHEN Senators Alan Peter Cayetano and Juan Miguel ‘Migz’ Zubiri clashed in a heated shouting match inside the Senate, it wasn’t about policy—it was personal. Curses flew. Fingers pointed. And the infamous ‘Putngna’ rang through the halls. In that moment, the grand stage of Philippine politics became less about governance and more about gladiators in the coliseum.

The clash centered around Senate Concurrent Resolution No. 23, but let’s not kid ourselves—this wasn’t about the Embo barangays in Taguig and Pateros. No, this was a showdown between two powerful political dynasties battling over far more than local voting rights. Behind the curtain of legislation lay tangled webs of personal slights, political ambitions, and—how could we forget?—a midterm election just around the corner.

Cayetano vs. Zubiri: The Fight Card

In the red corner, Alan Peter Cayetano: legal expert, former speaker, failed VP candidate, and member of the Cayetano dynasty, wielding the Supreme Court decision like a bladed weapon. Cayetano charged in, claiming rightful ownership of the Embo barangays and reminding Zubiri that, after all, “I’ve done favors for you before, pare,” followed by the timeless defense strategy, “Don’t give me sh*t din.”

In the blue corner, Juan Miguel Zubiri: former Senate president and current leader of a minority bloc with an axe to grind. Zubiri, though cooler-headed, had apparently reached his limit. The sight of an unannounced resolution being presented without warning was too much. It was as if Cayetano had ambushed him mid-siesta with a political curveball from across the ring.

In the ensuing chaos, Zubiri questioned the procedural irregularity of Cayetano’s move, while Cayetano berated Zubiri for some past transgression — probably involving, as all great Senate debates do, a vacation abroad. “Nag-abroad ka pa eh!” Cayetano spat, leaving us all to wonder if Zubiri’s international jet-setting had somehow interfered with his senatorial duties, or perhaps just his tan.

Political Divides and Misplaced Priorities

But this was no ordinary spat. This was a manifestation of a larger divide in the Senate — a tale of two dynasties with their eyes on the same prize. On one side, the Cayetano clan, desperately clinging to Taguig, fortified by Supreme Court rulings and their iron grip on local politics. On the other, the Binay-Zubiri alliance, the displaced rulers of Makati, licking their wounds after losing the Embo barangays, trying to figure out whether to go for round two in the 2025 elections or throw in the towel.

It’s almost poetic—almost—as both sides joust over a resolution that, in theory, is about fair representation, but in reality, is about solidifying control ahead of the upcoming midterms. How very noble. The Cayetanos want to ensure the ten newly-minted Taguig barangays have enough councilors to oversee streetlight installations and Christmas decoration contests, while Zubiri’s faction likely fears that this encroachment could tilt the political scales further in Taguig’s favor. And after all, what’s democracy without a bit of self-interest?

The Ethical Battlefield: Who’s Right? Who Cares?

On paper, Cayetano has the legal high ground. The Supreme Court decision he so often cites does, in fact, declare the Embo barangays part of Taguig. Cayetano’s move to include them in Taguig’s councilor districts under Senate Concurrent Resolution No. 23 seems legitimate, if not a little rushed. Philippine ethics laws, like the Code of Conduct and Ethical Standards for Public Officials (RA 6713), technically demand transparency and due process. Whether the Senate was informed in time or not is, of course, a minor detail to Cayetano, who no doubt sees himself as the rightful alcalde of all that Taguig surveys.

Meanwhile, Zubiri’s concerns about the resolution being sprung out of nowhere are not without merit. Parliamentary procedures and ethical standards do, in fact, emphasize the importance of informing all members ahead of time — something that Cayetano, in his rush to cement his legacy, conveniently “forgot.” Zubiri could cite jurisprudence on due process to back up his grievances, but let’s be honest—he’d rather skip the legalese and get back to counting votes for his own bloc. One can’t help but notice that Zubiri’s moral outrage feels suspiciously aligned with Makati’s political interests rather than the purity of legislative procedure.

Who’s Winning? Well, Who’s Counting?

If we’re tallying points in this verbal brawl, Cayetano seems to have walked away with the technical victory. After all, the Senate did adopt his resolution, paving the way for Taguig to welcome these new barangays with open arms and, presumably, a freshly printed set of campaign posters. But let’s not get too comfortable—Zubiri’s got his eye on 2025, and this fight is far from over. It’s not a knockout, just a warm-up bout for the big political rematch.

Satiric Tips: How to Save Face (and the Republic)

To Cayetano: Since you’re clearly on a roll, why not take your talents to the boxing ring? I hear Manny Pacquiao’s looking for sparring partners. Also, maybe try adding some legislative decorum to your repertoire — your sister Pia can lend you a Robert’s Rules of Order to read in your downtime.
To Zubiri: Next time, bring a resolution of your own to throw into the Senate mix — perhaps one mandating senators actually read the day’s agenda. Or, at the very least, preemptively schedule your overseas trips during less contentious weeks.
To the Binays: Forget about the barangays. Focus on Makati’s world-class parking buildings and sky-high cakes for now. Better luck in 2025.
To the Filipino People: Stock up on popcorn. These midterms are shaping up to be a political cage match of epic proportions. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll get some governance out of it too.

In the meantime, let’s sit back and enjoy the Senate’s latest production — a tragicomedy where every act promises high drama, but with no actual plot. We’re left applauding their ability to turn nothing into something, while the real work of governance remains in the wings, waiting for its cue.