Rodrigo Duterte Announces Final, Absolutely, Definitely Last Retirement… Until Next Month

By Louis ‘Barok‘ C. Biraogo — November 12, 2024

IN AN announcement as final as his previous three retirements, former Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte has firmly declared he won’t run for Davao City mayor in the next election. ‘Wala na ako diyan,’ he proclaimed, channeling the same unshakable resolve that brought us his famous retirement tour. Naturally, analysts are now betting on whether he’ll launch his campaign by next week or simply skip the formalities and take office directly.

At nearly 80 years old, Duterte cited advanced age, declining health, and a profound, almost mystical desire to rest as reasons for his purported withdrawal. However, anyone with a working knowledge of Filipino politics knows that power is the real national pastime, and it’s just as addictive. This is, after all, the man whose idea of “slowing down” involved an internationally investigated drug war.

The Rise and Restlessness of Rodrigo Duterte

With a career spanning nearly 40 years, Duterte is a political colossus who somehow still finds it necessary to grab a seat at Davao’s table. He insists he’s passing the baton to “the next generation,” as long as “the next generation” has a last name that rhymes with “Shmuerte.”

Political insiders are skeptical of Duterte’s sincerity, as many recall how he similarly expressed disinterest in the 2016 presidency before stepping in at the last minute. Former allies and rivals alike note that whenever Duterte utters the words, “count me out,” the countdown to his inevitable re-entry begins. Like a political Terminator, he’ll be back—though in his case, with more grandchildren, legal issues, and a party platform vaguely based on “surprise!”

Family Matters: A Duterte Will Always Rise Again

Despite his denials, there’s a practical reason Rodrigo is considering yet another run—his son, Mayor Sebastian “Baste” Duterte, is facing what polite circles call “electoral challenges.” Political analysts predict that the younger Duterte’s charm may be as effective in the next election as a leaking bucket in a typhoon. With his son struggling to connect with voters, the patriarch’s return to the mayor’s seat may not be a matter of ambition, but survival. For a dynasty, after all, to cease reigning over Davao City would be like a fish ceasing to swim: a failure of nature.

Meanwhile, political rival Karlo Nograles has responded to Duterte’s retirement talk with the composed silence of a man whose opponents often do the work for him. Nograles is rumored to have placed large bets on Duterte’s return, fully aware of his opponent’s historical habit of throwing retirement announcements around like confetti.

The Case for (Another) Last Run

The real reason Duterte might reconsider “retirement” is less existential than practical. When not running for office, he spends his time facing down legal cases that, to the layperson, sound like a history of international crime: crimes against humanity, extrajudicial killings, and more. For Duterte, political office isn’t a career—it’s an immunity shield. And Davao’s mayoral office, while not exactly the Malacañan Palace, is close enough to the levers of power to keep a few prosecutors at bay.

Though Duterte claims he wants “rest,” it seems that peace and quiet might be scarier to him than any ICC judge. Duterte seems more at ease at the epicenter of chaos, preferably one where he’s behind the gavel or microphone rather than facing one in court.

Fearless Forecast: He’ll Be Back

The smart money is on a Duterte candidacy. Given his family’s waning appeal, his fondness for power, and his mounting legal troubles, retirement is looking about as likely as him joining a meditation retreat. No, Duterte’s course is clear: he’ll be back on the ballot, telling everyone that this time, he’ll only be mayor “for a little while” (give or take a few decades).

Recommendations for the Key Players

For Rodrigo Duterte: If you’re truly retiring, embrace it. Swap city hall for a hammock, put the ICC on call blocking, and try doing nothing—just as you’ve promised (and not delivered on) so many times before.
For Karlo Nograles: Prepare your best “I knew it” face for when Duterte, inevitably, joins the race. Start printing banners now: “Nograles for Mayor! And Yes, I’m the Only One Actually Trying to Retire Duterte.”
For Duterte’s Adversaries: Perhaps form a coalition…or an underground support group. Campaigning against the Duterte dynasty is practically a Davao rite of passage, but you’ll need patience—likely, a lot of it.
For the People of Davao: Buckle up. Keep your expectations low and your local government tracking apps open. If you’ve survived Duterte fatigue this long, what’s another election cycle?

In conclusion, when Duterte insists he’s out of the race, consider it just the warm-up act. After all, if his previous ‘retirements’ taught us anything, it’s that he’ll likely be back—because the only real constant in Duterte’s life is a comeback.