By Louis ‘Barok’ C Biraogo — September 3, 2024
IN THE Philippines, where karaoke is a national pastime and even the most serious matters can be resolved with a good sing-along, the PNP has taken a truly unique approach to apprehending the elusive Apollo Quiboloy. Instead of wielding batons and handcuffs, they’ve armed themselves with microphones and a karaoke machine, hoping to lure the controversial preacher out of his lair with a catchy tune.
A Brief History of Evasion
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For those unfamiliar with the saga of Apollo Quiboloy, it’s a tale that could rival any telenovela. Quiboloy, who modestly refers to himself as the “Appointed Son of God,” has a resume that includes everything from spiritual leader to alleged fugitive, with a side of legal entanglements that would make even the most seasoned criminal blush. Over the years, Quiboloy has amassed quite a following, not to mention a growing list of accusations, including sexual and human trafficking. Yet, despite multiple arrest warrants and countless manhunts, Quiboloy has proven as elusive as a high note in a Mariah Carey song.
The PNP’s Elusive Mission
The PNP, ever dedicated to upholding the law (when not busy with their in-house karaoke championships), has long been on Quiboloy’s trail. And by “on his trail,” we mean they’ve spent a great deal of time admiring the scenery while Quiboloy remains just out of reach. The latest effort to apprehend him, a massive operation at the Kingdom of Jesus Christ (KOJC) central compound, has been described as “intense” and “epic.” Though, some might argue that when your operation involves multiple sing-along breaks, “intense” might be a bit of a stretch.
The Karaoke Capital Strikes Again
It should come as no surprise that this latest controversy has unfolded in the Philippines, a nation with a passion for singing that rivals their love for basketball and politics. The Philippines, often crowned the Karaoke Capital of the World, is a place where every neighborhood has at least one “singing king” and where no fiesta is complete without a rousing rendition of “My Way”—even if it occasionally ends in fisticuffs. So, when the PNP’s top brass decided to serenade their way through a tense manhunt, it was simply business as usual in a land where a microphone is never far from hand.
The Massive Manhunt: An Off-Key Operation
Now, let’s set the scene. The PNP, hot on the trail of Quiboloy, who is allegedly hiding in a “bunker” somewhere within the KOJC premises, decides that nothing will boost the morale of their exhausted troops quite like a karaoke session. And who better to lead this impromptu concert than PNP Chief General Rommel Marbil, a man known as much for his love of singing as for his law enforcement acumen. In a viral video that has taken the internet by storm, Marbil is seen belting out tunes while simultaneously—according to some rather creative interpretations—urging Quiboloy to surrender.
Major Catherine Dela Rey, spokesperson for PRO-Davao, was quick to defend the chief’s actions, insisting that the video captured just a “moment” of the evening and that Marbil’s main focus remains on capturing Quiboloy. Sure, the PNP might not have actually found Quiboloy yet, but morale is through the roof! After all, what better way to recharge after a day of fruitless searching than by gathering around a karaoke machine and belting out the classics?
The KOJC’s Criticisms: Why So Tone-Deaf?
Naturally, the Kingdom of Jesus Christ (KOJC) had a few things to say about this whole spectacle. Criticisms ranged from the PNP’s “insensitivity” to the “insulting” nature of their off-key performance. One can only imagine the horror of being a loyal KOJC member, holed up in a bunker, only to be serenaded by the very force meant to be capturing your leader. It’s unclear whether the KOJC is more upset by the PNP’s failure to arrest Quiboloy or by their failure to hit the high notes. Either way, the outrage is palpable, and the criticisms, as off-pitch as they may be, deserve to be heard.
In Defense of Marbil and the PNP: Singing for Justice
On the other side, the PNP’s defenders have rallied around their chief, with Brigadier General Roderick Augustus Alba reminding us that this was all part of a “long-standing tradition” within the force. Because what’s a manhunt without a little music? Alba explained that these moments of fellowship are crucial for easing the stress of intense operations, a point that’s hard to argue when you see the sheer joy on the faces of the officers in that video. After all, who needs to arrest a fugitive when you can lift spirits with a good ol’ sing-along?
“In Key” Tips for Everyone
Now, if we’re handing out advice, it’s only fair to do so equally. For General Marbil, we suggest adding a few more vocal warm-ups before your next big operation—nothing kills morale faster than a flat note. For Quiboloy, perhaps consider coming out of hiding to give the PNP some pointers on how to really hit those high notes. After all, you don’t get to be the “Appointed Son of God” without knowing a thing or two about heavenly harmonies.
As for Major Dela Rey and Brigadier General Alba, maybe it’s time to rethink the tradition of karaoke during high-stakes manhunts. Just a thought. And to the KOJC, we recommend investing in some earplugs—if the PNP’s performance is anything to go by, they’ll likely be back for an encore.
So, let’s all join in the chorus and hope that the PNP’s karaoke strategy pays off. Because if it doesn’t, we might just have to start a national petition for a new, more effective method of apprehending Apollo Quiboloy. Maybe a water balloon fight or a dance-off?
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KWEBA ni BAROK 
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